Change.

I’m putting this blog behind me guys. I’ve made a new on, you see. www.TanyaMaria.wordpress.com It’s Just that I want to have fresh start. So I’m making it official with a new blog.

 

Stupid blogs and test results.

Ok, so I just figured out that all my posts are in stong textmode. Why? I have no idea, it look freakish. I don’t like it. At all. But I’m not going to edit every single post to change it, so don’t care about it. Thank you.

I’m so pissed now. My mother and my brother are fighting over his homework. I hate it. It’s annoying and unneccessary. I’m reading for this test. In politics. I hate politics. I don’t understand anything of it. It’s just confusing and arrrrghh… The last test we had on the subject (politics) I got a 3. Which should count for a C- or perhaps a D+. It was awul. Usually in Community (which is bad translation for the name of the subject.) I get straight A’s, or here: 6. So this is like, three grades from my usual perfect result. SO even though I hate this I just have to read and study and… Yeah. I hate it.

But even so, I have to get straight A’s if I want to get into medicineschool. It’s my dream. I have to fight for it! Even though it means staying up late at night studying for stupid tests. I hate it: But it has to be done. In the end, it will all be worth it. I’ll get my wanted education and live happily ever after. I can’t let a little rock pointing out from the mountain keep me from getting to the top. I’m stronger than that. SO, bye! I have to study!

WOW: “Best friends are like bras. Close to the heart and always there for support.”

Hags from Hell.

Jesus. That’s all I’m saying. This girl in my class…. !!!!! I literally hate her, and I’m not a person that easily hates somebody. I might say: Man I hate him/her, but I don’t mean hate the way the word is presuming. I’m just angry at the moment and the word slips out. But her: I HATE her more than anything. She toss around woth me like I’m some sort of stupid child. Everything I do is wrong and everthing I say is laughable and stupid. The bad thing is that I’m actually smarter than she is. And I’m not saying this to brag, or because I’m angry at her. It’s a fact. She is really stupid. You hear it when she talks. For example: She thinks that this celebritycouple can’t be togeher by true love: The guy is simply too ugly. I mean, hallo??? Sometimes I wonder is there’s anything inside that thick head of hers. For the next three years I have to be in her class. Suddenly I feel like Miley in Hannah Montana, and this girl is Amber. They’re scary alike. Just that this girl ain’t that “popular”. You either totally hate her, or totally pretend to like her. She’s a bitch. A HAG, I tell you, a HAG!

WOW:”Thinking before you talk, is like wiping your ass before you plant a shit.”

Long time, no see.

Hello, everyone! Been a long time, hasn’t it? Well, there’s some reasons for it. One: I haven’t had much time left after school for the last two months. Two: I haven’t had internetconnection for the last one and a half month. Three: There’s happened so much, even if I had time and netaccess, I wouldn’t be mentallt able to.

Well, first of all, I miss my best friend like never before. She’s the only one I can talk to about absolutely everything, and I haven’t seen her in a while. But hopefully, she’ll be hoem next weekend!

And then again, there is school. It’s going the wrong way in some subjects, and I’m just so sick of it! I need a vacation. There’s too much homeowrk to be done, and to little time to do so. At the same time: I have a responsibility as a a dancingleader to make dances, and time is not on my side there either. On top of it all, I had to finish a course everyother evening these last three weeks, so I can get my drivers lisence. And I’m so so stressed out!

And of course: Love. The word that you always hear from me. I’m in love. SO totally. I tried to keep my distance, since it ill eventually effect my schoolwork, but I can’t. He’s like a manget that pulls.
I’ve acually talked to him some more. Once at this fridayclub, where many meet to talk and have fun together. It was really nice. I also talked to him last monday. You see, he’s a living genious, and every monday, some of the students from the upper classes teatch math to us of the younger elite. And of course, he is one of the,. He’s too smart for his own good! And so, before that thing started, I sat and talked with him. About everything I dare say. ABout his socks, about classes, PE – which he and a friend had watched the class before, while me and my clumsyness made the volleyball bounce everywhere it shouldn’t- and life in general.

As for the math: We were sitting working, and he’d come help us if we needed it. I wasn’t, but the two others that were there certainly did. But he kept looking at me, and at last he did ask if I needed any sort of help. I said no, bu he kept standing next to me, watching me. I couldn’t do anything, I was too red. Maybe there is hope? One of our common friends told me that he woul’ve been very happy if he knew that I liked him. Perhaps….? I don’t knwo, but I’m aloowed to dream!

I’m falling.

Two days ago my normal mood changed to INCREDIBLY HAPPY mood. I was at this thing that some teens gather at every friday to talk about God and stuff. SO we do some funny stuff, like games and we eat there, and talk about things in our lives. It’s really interesting. I like to reflect upon things.

Anyway, Brrrrrownie was there! And he smiled, and we talked and it weas wonderful. He reminded me of the first time a had a real conversation with him:

Me: “I’m psychic!” This was after a long discussion with a friend on the subject. She was telling everyone a had overnatural powers, joking of course, and we laughed a lot. Of cpurse Brownie wanted to play along, so he smiled and just looked at me.
Him:”So what am I thinking of?”
Me:”I don’t know.. me?” I was joking about this, but he turned kind of red and then he smiled the most beautiful smile ever and said:”Yeah, you’re right! I was thinking of you”

I was so surprised I couldn’t do anything but smile at the time. And then, with my broken heart over the summer I forgot all about it. But when I met him again two days ago, he reminded me. He remembered everything we had talked about, I’m so… Happy! He smiled and just talked to me. He is really sweet. I’m falling in love! Deeper!

WOW:”Gravity is not to blame for two people falling in love.”

Friends and torturing happiness.

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything at all in here. Like evrybody else says: I haven’t got time. And that’s not entirely true. I’ve got lots of time, but I use it on other stuff.

Well, one of the reasons why I haven’t updated is that we had a leek in our house. Inside the wall in my room, actually. So I had to move out from there and they smashed the walls. So my computer is lying lonely inside the basement, and I’m using my dad’s. Which I’m not able to use much, ’cause he’s always using it.

Anyway, stuff has happened lately. I went to my friends place, and we slept in the tent. It was so much fun! I didn’t get to talk to her adorable brother much, he wa just sitting in his room with his computer (smart guy, you know, hacker and everything.) But he came out late at night. I was talking to his sister about Mistah Blue, and how we’d been in love with eacother. I was just about to tell her about the part were we’re happy together now (as onloy friends), but thaqn: “Hi girls!” Prince charming came and interrupted me. I wonder how much he heard! Oh my, he mustn’t get the wrong idea, I’ll kill myself if he thinks I still like Bluey.

Yeah, I haven’t told you have I? I’m not pissed at him anymore. I’m growing quiet fond of our friendship. He likes me, I like him, as friends. He’s like this really big annoying brother, it’s weird. I find it hard to believe I was even in love with him, it would never have worked out, we don’t fit that way. So I’m good friends with him and his girlfriend. They’re cute together, the perfect match! And it’s fine that way. I wouldn’t want it any other way than this.

And then there’s Brownie. Whom I am falling harder for each day that passes. It’s kind of disturbing to go to the same school. My subconsciousness move my feet to anywhere he might appear. It’s like in the song “Rockstar” by (UGH!!) Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. “Sometimes I walk a little faster in the school hallway, just to get next to you. Some days I spend a little extra time in the morning, just to impress you.” And that’s how it is. I walk to the third floor (where he’s classroom is) for no good reason, just in case I might get a glimpse of him. I sit in the halls every free minute, ’cause he might walk by. IT’s really annoying. I can’t get any work done in class, beacuse I just stare out the window, in case he has PE or reccess.

This other day I met him in the hall. He stopped to talk to his sister, me standing a feet away. He looked into my eyes, even though he was talking to her. And once again, time stopped, life was a perfect existens. Love, oh, love. Why do you torture me at the same time as you bring me happiness above imagination?

Brothers and sisters.

Tomorrow. I can’t wait ’til tomorrow! And next week. Ok, I’ll tell you why:

Tomorrow: Staying late after school to do homework. Quite some chance that loverboy passes by. And anyway; he might sit down and talk with us.

Next week: I’m going to HIS place! Or, his sister, my other friends and I are sleeping in a tent in her garden. But of course, he’ll be around in his own house! Might get a chance to talk with him and everything.

Ok, so his sister, she’s almost firgured it out. We play this “game” of ours. If she tells me what haircolour her boy has, I have to tell the same about mine etc. So, she knows that he has brown eyes, brown hair, what grade he’s in, that he’s cute and that he is about average boy-tall. It’s just a matter of time before she figures it out. Her guy is blonde, tall, cute and has blue eyes. This can be interesting. Especially since she thinks it’s everyone else but her own brother. Wow.

Well, I can’t wait! But what if she finds out? Sooner or later; she will. I mean, she might think of me differently, knowing that I’m secretly crushing on her brother and stuff. I hope she won’t hate me.

WOW: “Be yourself. Because you’re good enough as you are.”

Definition of heaven.

It happened again. Today. But just so much stronger. I was standing in the rain with my umbrella. Feeling a bit down, even though rain is what makes me happy. I was looking down at the ground, wishing to be anywhere but at the busstop. All the guys were looking at me, studying me. I don’t know why, I was wet, upset, trying to be invisible.

And then it happened. My Soldier in shining armor came by. I looked up just to look into his eyes. As usual, time stood still, just longer. The connection was stronger. And my face lighted up. I couldn’t help it. I smiled with all of me, with all that I am. When I get to look into those eyes, I’m happy, I’m light. My life has a meaning, I have a reason to carry on with everything that’s hard. It’s my pure definition of heaven.

He smiled back at me. And he stopped. Still smiling at me. He talked to his sister, standing next to me, but he kept looking at me. I didn’t hear anything. His lips were moving, words were flowding out, but I didn’t catch it. In the back of my mind I heard someone say “the bus is here!” and I saw people moving within my view. I had to rip the special moment apart. I yelled good-bye to the two of them and hurried to the buss. And as I sit there, I look out the window, and there he stand. smiling. And times stands still.

WOW:”If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”

Oceanblue and hazelbrown.

It’s raining. And raining. And raining. And I’m in a terrific mood! You know, rain makes me happy. It’s like sun for everyone else. Well, anyway, the weather didn’t stop us from having soccer in PE. It was horrible! The only thing I hate about rain is when my hair gets wet; And than dry so everyone can see it. ‘Cause my hair is naturally curly. It’s awful. Like an afro (not that there’s anything wrong with that hairstyle, but on me? Please.)

And of course, on all days, absolutely all days he could choose from, my sweet prince charming chose today to talk to me. I was sitting in the classroom next to his sister/one of my good friends. And then he walks by. My heart jumped. And then, suddenly he comes back in the dooropening, walking backwards. And he comes in, says to his sister: “I took your Germanybook.” And disappears. I was disappointed. I thought all hope was lost, and then he comes back with his friend.

It was only me and his sister in the classroom, we were staying after school to get some homework done. Since they’re one year older, they have longer days, but more free hours during the day. So, it was they’re recess. It didn’t seem like he wanted to leave.
“Shouldn’t we go? It’s to minutes ’til class starts.” His friend said. And then Princey looked at me and answered: “We’ve still got two minutes, we’ll run.” I mean, HALLO?? Why would he be so happy to stay there? I don’t think he was overdramatically happy to see his sister, and who else was there? Exactly. And I talked to him and his friend, and he smiled, and I flushed. It was wonderful.

Each time our eyes meet, time stands stil. There’s nothing that moves, the world is a perfect place when my oceanblue eyes meet his hazelbrown. Nothing can spoil it or ruin it. Nothing can make it bad. Nothing is more perfect than that single second when his eyes look into mine. Maybe he can think of me that way? It was wierd that he wanted to stay. I hope he didn’t get late! They have to run up 4 sets of stairs before they’re there, and that’s hard. Well, he is athletic, but still. It’s alot of stairs on one minute.

WOW: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep, ’cause reality is better than your dreams.”

Reunited in death.

Uhm… Well, I’m in a phase right now. And it’s a weird one. I’m really depressed, but when I’m wiuth my friends I’m really happy. Why am I so depressed? Why? I mean, I haven’t been in so long, and my life is going great. So why… Why am I being so upset about stuff? It can’t be because of Brownie, (that is a REALLY silly name, I know, but what else to call him?) that would’ve been… Extraordinary odd.

Well, come to think of: I miss my best friend. Haven’t seen her in forever. The only communication we have is through Skype or Messenger. And that doesn’t compare to actually sit in front of her and talk and just be together. I am happy for her: She did what she wanted to do. I can’t stand in her way and act selfish. Even though I ask her why she even did it. It’s not nice of me. But sometimes I just can’t help it. I care so much for her, she is the best friend there ever was. Even though I hace other friends that I love, and even though I get new friends at my school etc, she’ll always be her. I just wish she wasn’t that far away. I wish she’d be living here, near me. But wishes doesn’t always come true. Look at “Romeo & Juliet”. They probably wished upon every star that they would get to be together. And… Well, they probably reunited in death..? So in a way their wishes came true. Still, I ain’t going to wait ’til I die before I see her again!

WOW: “A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”